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Posted by Dr. Beverlee
on August 29, 2005 at 14:29:00:
From: lt My life is under going a lot of transitions at this time and I am finding myself very depressed and waking up and going to sleep crying these last couple of days. My last child turned 18 and graduated high school, my oldest is moving to be near and work with his father (for the third time with disasterous results in the past), and I am so unhappy in my partner (ha) relationship I can't stand to be around him. I have no motivation to keep going. I have always been the strong one. But I had three excuses. My children. Now that they are grown, where do I draw the strength and motivation from? How do I get over the fear of being alone to be able to end this unhappy relationship? HELP! Dear LT: When a last child leaves home the conditions for examining every aspect of life becomes essential. This is especially true for the mothers because men establish an important life separate from home and children. You are facing the wall of transition, and perhaps crisis. Although you are feeling depressed and see your life as daunting, there is much you can do to change directions. There is a threshold you can step over, one small step at a time. The Yin: There are two different chairs you sit in that need change: one is the partner chair, the other is the me chair looking at having a meaningful life as a productive, happy, independent person. The partner: take steps to determine if your relationship is over. Counseling help may make the issues clear enough for you to say whether this relationship can be saved. If no, then move on! There are support systems you can explore. Groups exist in most communities you can explore where women share all the feelings of being alone, and the benefits as well. Check out what family, friends, church, etc are there to help you grow as an independent person. Accept help! The Yang: Strength and motivation are not available all at once. Take one step at a time. Do something of interest to you, something you know you enjoy or even think you might enjoy. Get out in the world by exploring work or a volunteer situation. Once you find some daily activity you like, motivation and strength will follow. There is a world past your front door waiting for you to enter. Step over the threshold and discover what is there. No one has a productive, happy choice of living that exists forever. Each of us has music that stops and we must re-enchant our life. Send me your address and I will send you free my book which speaks of this very issue. P.S.: Walking daily 1 hour or more helps enormously when we are depressed. Feel free to write again. Best wishes, |