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Posted by Dr. Beverlee
on July 12, 2003 at 09:56:07:
Subject: Advise
From: LV
To: askdrbeverlee@yahoo.com
Let me give you an overview of my relationship. I have been with my gf for 7 months. She has been out of her relationship for 2 years. She was with her ex gf for 6 years and she helped raise her ex gf's child. Her ex gf cheated on her with a mutual friend and they have been together for the last 2 years. My gf gets the little girl 2 times a month. I have never had a problem with her ex gf what so ever. I met her ex gf and it was an experience. I could see the feelings her ex had for her. I asked my gf if her ex still has feelings for her, she said no she has her own life. Well my gf had me keep things in the extra bedroom and when I was putting things away I came across some cards and they were written by her ex telling her how she is very emotional right now, how she feels like they are together even thought they are living separate lives, she will always love her and cannot wait to see what the future holds for them, there were lips prints on the card. Te other card was thanking her for flowers, dinner and a gift, I was already with my gf in a relationship and she never told me any of this. I then found out my gf has lied to me about her conversations with her ex. They only talk when they are both at work or when I am not around and if she does call the conversations are always short and a lot of yes, no's, ok I do not know and then bye. My gf was telling me she only talks to her ex once in awhile, I looked at her call log, it is everyday. With phone calls back and forth to one another. I confronted my gf about all of this and she tells me she loves me and she does not know why she lies to me when it comes to her ex. I also found out she goes to her ex for advise on our relationship knowing she is a cause of the problems. How can a cheater and liar give advise to someone. Now her ex calls and leaves messages saying she does not want to cause any problems but after 2 years she found an ornament that belongs to my gf and wants to give it back to her. ThanksL
Dear Deceived One:
Relationships, whether intimate or platonic friendship, need to be based on mutual trust and honesty as well as concern for another’s well being. Your present girlfriend, let’s call her Mary, maintained a 6 year apparently monogamous relationship with this woman and her child. It appears that neither partner is willing to give up contact and expressions of love and caring. Mary has not been honest about her feelings and actions. It would be easy to focus on one “cheater and liar”, but unfortunately there are two. The Yin: You are angry and confused. Mary and her ex have 8 plus years keeping some fires burning between them. Since you are only a 7-month partner it may be wise to walk away from the fire currently burning you. Excuses, excuses, the bottom line is Mary is unable to develop a caring, trusting, and honest relationship with you, and it may well be her pattern within all her relationships. You can cut your losses now and leave. The Yang: Although you have attempted to gain the truth, the previous efforts failed. You could have a final meeting and express to Mary all you know and what you feel. Allow her, without interruption, to tell you exactly where she is in terms of a full commitment to your life together. You must evaluate her responses and decide what is best for you. The prognosis is poor in healing a dishonest heart. Feel free to write again. Best Wishes,
Dr. Beverlee
Author, The Day the Music Stopped, re-enchantment of our lost spirit
www.selfdiscoveryofspirit.com or my email address: beverleesee4ever@aol.com
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