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Posted by Dr. Beverlee
on March 02, 2004 at 16:35:56:
Date: Feb 2004 Dear Dr. Beverlee, I am an eighteen year old college student who is in my first year away from home. My mom recently e-mailed me concerning the website awomansjourney.com where I found your Q and A column. My mom sent me to this site because recently I've been feeling like I've lost something When I first moved out I felt enchanted with the world, with life and with the person I was and the experiences that I had been given. The things that I had previously viewed as negative impacts on me I felt most thankful for. I felt amazing connections between the people I was I don't know how but I began to feel depressed around November. I began to feel very confused with things. I began thinking more and feeling less. I still feel this way. I think a lot of it has to do with my wanting to change my lifestyle. I've recently quit drinking and smoking and doing things that made me more acceptable to my peers. I feel as if I've lost a lot of these friends that I once felt so connected to and am left questioning almost every relationship in my life. I feel very alone and very different from everyone else. I don't want to drink and be stupid any more. But I've found most of the people who don't drink are much less mature than me and act like I remember acting in junior high. I feel as if I'm in a lose-lose situation. I've tried to tell myself that I can be alone and tried to find hobbies and ways to entertain myself, but the loneliness turns into self destruction. I've been eating very compulsively and feel as if I'm barely conscious in my own life. I've learned a lot about a number of options that I'm sure could better my situation, I've tried concentrating on intellect and spirituality, I try to keep to some sort of routine but have failed in any aspects of discipline. I really don't know how to get back on track and am kind of scared that I might have lost those good feelings for good. If you have any suggestions I would love to hear from you. Thanks,
You are a bright, sensitive, perceptive young woman and all that you are, and have been, will not be “lost for good” or even for a lengthy time. Your initial experience in college was unusually enchanted. I say that because leaving home and entering college life frequently is traumatic since we loose some family security and begin a journey of independent choices and roads less traveled. You have stepped into a new or complex world. Ask yourself, “What changes occurred in November? Why do you believe you are thinking more and feeling less, i.e. what is shutting you down?” You indicate wanting a healthier life style. That may mean that you do not smoke. It may mean that you must give up some social drinking to be within a healthy range. Sometimes we make lifestyle changes a step at a time. The Yin: Analee, you have been a connected person and enriched by many old and new relationships. I cannot think of a reason you would abandon this significant part of yourself. All of life is connection. Once we are connected to others we are also able to spend some time alone or time doing creative hobbies. So direct your energy to discovering relationships of like minded people and re-engage some friends from your past who are caring of you and compatible with your values and beliefs. If we loose an important part of our creative self, we can feel depressed very quickly. Along with depression is a : Once you take small steps to connect with others you will begin to feel more like your old enchanted self once again living an enriched life. The Yang: When we try too much or too many things at once the tasks are daunting and overwhelming. To begin, choose some small things on daily basis, one thing each day you want to accomplish - like contacting one person to share with. Then a next small step, and then another one. Each thing you accomplish will change how you feel. At some point joy returns and you will look forward to the new day. “Joy can be found where no joy existed before”. Please write again if you wish, Dr. Beverlee, author of The Day the Music Stopped, re-enchantment of our lost spirit |