Alcoholic Mate

Date: May 2004
From: "W M"
Subject:relationship advice
To:askdrbeverlee@yahoo.com

Hello-
I am recently in conflict with an ex-boyfriend. We have a long distance relationship of six hours. We broke up about three months ago due to the fact that he was neglecting me due to drinking alcohol. In the past months that we have been broken up, I have been physical with two other people. I told my ex-boyfriend about two of the times that I simply just "fooled around" with someone, but a couple of nights ago I actually slept with a man that I had told him that I had previously fooled around with. I feel guilty about this and I want to tell him, but I know that if I do he will never speak to me again and he will probably be drunk every waking second and never give love another chance again. I want what is best for him, but most of all I want him to be happy. I tell him everything, and it is hard to keep this from him. Especially since the person I slept with is someone he has met before. I love him, and I want to have a chance to get back together with him. So what should I do?

Sincerely,
confused

Dear Confused:

Your serious problem is not fooling around or even sleeping around, it is the choices you make in mates. Make this ex-boyfriend relationship a longer distance yet – let go of it!

Drinking alcohol as you describe it is a disease. Alcoholics always have an excuse for their binge drinking; one excuse is as good as another. Your behavior will always be a reason for him to get “drunk every second”. Check the internet for information on alcoholism and pay attention to treatment. Many alcoholics don’t recover because they never seriously seek treatment. They believe that “they do not have a problem”!

The Yin: Take a long hard look at your life. Is it littered with bums? Do you feel insecure? Is there a pattern of attempting to create jealousy to gain boyfriend attention? Do you have guys coming and going but not permanent, happy relationships?

If the answer is yes to any or all of the questions, then get some help to make changes in your own life. Without a counselor guide your life will very likely look the same 5 years down the road and the boyfriend may be the ex-husband, and/or father of your baby, etc.

The Yang: We do not make someone happy. Each of us is responsible for our own life and joy in sharing experiences and traveling a road together. We have an opportunity to add the good stuff to a friend’s happiness. Unfortunately, for some people drugs and alcohol are all that matter. They will dump anything or anyone that gets n the way, without remorse, without caring about who or how one gets hurt. Use your wisdom and remove yourself from harm’s way.

Feel free to write again.
Best Regards,
Dr. Beverlee, author of The Day the Music Stopped, re-enchantment of our lost spirit
www.selfdiscoveryofspirit.com