Internet Romance and Intrique

From: "K"
To: askdrbeverlee@yahoo.com
Subject:Internet Relationships
Date: Jun 2004

Dear Dr.Beverlee,

First of all Bless you in the work that you do.
I am a first timer,but this has to do with a real good
friend that since April, has become somewhat involved with
a Lady on the internet. And he says and she says they are
madly in Love. She and I talk on instant message and phone,
but the problem I am having that she has told him several times
that she was coming to see him and to be with him for the rest
of their lives. Now they have not ever met and the pics she sends
to him are Beautiful, now I have talked to her on phone and all but
this is scary, and I am so concern about Him I am afraid this is
going to be a BIG FALL he has not had any confidence in himself for
a long time and now he has spoken to anyone that listens to him about
her and then when she don't show up, they rag on him fiercly. I have
repeatedly told him to stop talking tho those people, they are out
to use this against him. And I am also afraid she is just stringing
him along. I am there for him for support for him, but I so don't
want to see him crash and burn.....I know its not any of my business
and that I can only be there for him when the Fall starts. But Help
in this matter is required for me to help me help him when this all
Happens......Thank You

R

Dear R:

What strange tales are told about the internet and, of course, internet relationships! This one has two questionable aspects: the first is the triangle of you, your male friend, and his internet woman; the second is how 2 people who have never met can fall “madly in love” and commit their lives to one another.

The Yin: About the first question, R, why are you in the middle talking to both people? I can understand that you care about a friend and want to advise and support him. I imagine you would want to help him gain confidence. But, since he is and adult male, he has a right to make his own choices, and live his life accordingly. The triangle you create by being actively involved will not benefit him and can create misunderstanding and pain for both of you. It is a ripe scenario for he said, she said gossiping-gossiping. The best news may be that she will never show up and this is an internet charade or game. Your friend can then learn about life and himself.

The Yang: R, since you are a “caring person”, you will be supportive in the way you have always been and that is enough. Just be the best “you” and all will benefit.

If your life is not challenging enough, find some interesting projects or good works to do. Being overly involved in another person’s life is, in the long run, not very satisfying and can create real damage to a relationship.

Feel free to write again.
Best Regards,
Dr. Beverlee, author of The Day the Music Stopped, re-enchantment of our lost spirit
www.selfdiscoveryofspirit.com