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Posted by Dr. Beverlee
on July 02, 2004 at 16:49:18:
Date: Jun 2004
From: "d"
Subject:Tell him or wait?
To: askdrbeverlee@yahoo.com Dear Dr. Beverlee,
I'm a 17 years old student in college, this was my first year. As it's the case for many freshmen, I experienced difficulties in having real friends. I mean I know a lot of people and have friends but not the ones I call"true" friends. the ones I can tell my secrets and stuff. I have a best friend, we share a high degree of understanding and we tell each other everything even what we hate about eachother. We were hoping to form a gang of close friends and yesterday I took her and we met a friend I have in college. I considered him the closest one to me in college and I told my best friend I think we all can be friends as she never saw him before. Anyway we went bowling and talked a lot, but I felt we all were not being ourselves. I really like my friend and I think that we kinda became not close anymore after that day. So, should I tell him that I feel something is wrong or just leave him and see if he would like to go with us again. I like facing people with the truth but I’m not really close to the guy so if I asked him about what happened he might feel I’m sticking to him, especially if he was bored last time and felt he wants to drop our friendship. I know some people may think this is a trivial matter, but i really got stressed on the matter coz I kinda like this friend. Maybe I’m a sensitive girl but I’m funny and sociable so I don't think I could have repelled him by boredom. So please Dr. Beverlee, tell me what to do as fast as possible.
yours sincerely,
D Dear D: Making the transition and adjustment from living at home, attending high school, to the larger world of college is most difficult. It will take time to develop close friends but I believe if you give yourself permission to explore the new college environment some wonderful experiences and people will become part of your life. It is understandable that you would like to bring together your old friends with new ones, hoping the circle you create will all fit together, everyone compatible. Although you can enjoy the relationships individually, your friends may not fit well together, but no harm in trying. The Yin: Since you value your male college friend by all means speak to him. A suggestion about communication is to ask questions rather than make assumptions or mind read. For example, ask him if he was comfortable when you all went out. Ask him directly if he wants to spend time with you hanging out together. If he is a good friend, he will answer honestly. Do not write a story that is possibly fiction. Get the facts! The Yang: There is a note of insecurity in your e-mail. This stress that you mention may be related to many changes in your life as well as your age (17). If you have been insecure in the past, lacking confidence, then I suggest some counseling to help you gain self-esteem. Most colleges offer counseling for students and almost all communities have resources. Good luck and best wishes for your future experiences. Feel free to write again.
Best Regards,
Dr. Beverlee, author of The Day the Music Stopped, re-enchantment of our lost spirit
www.selfdiscoveryofspirit.com
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