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Posted by Dr. Beverlee
on July 22, 2004 at 23:03:49:
Date: Jul 2004
From: "d"
Subject: Am I in love?
To: "Dr. Beverlee"
CC: Dear Dr. Beverlee,
I’m a 17 years old female, I have a close friend in college. We weren’t close in college days but when the vacation started we began to go out together as friends of course. I knew him in the last month in college so I say we became close in short time. However, after one day when we went out together I started feeling different.
I mean I started liking him, you know in a romantic way.he treats me in a good way and he cares I think. I mean he tells me to call him and not only when I’m bored, just to talk.
As a normal friend I wouldn't call that much, but I do coz I like him. Anyway, some friends say he maybe likes me back but won't tell.The problem is that I have mixed up feelings, one day I wish he calls and another I feel he doesn't matter.I wanna make the effort to make him like me but I’m scared that afterwards I’d find out I don't really like him and its just a stupid crush. On the other hand I don't want to let go and then regret it when I feel like I need him. How can I love him so much one day and not even care another?
I had a lot of crushes but this is different, I feel kind of committed. I don’t know if u get it, I don't myself. I know that some things bother me about him but something inside keeps pushing them and say he's great. Am I forcing myself or what is this? Just know that in my days when I’m caring for him, I feel its so real so I don't think I’m faking. Plus he's not cute and its the first time I like someone who's looks are normal, is this love? Or what?
By the way its my first year in college and I went through a lot of pressure that's why I may be messed up.
Thanks dr.beverlee for answering my previous letter, it really helped. Please help me with this one too. I really need to know, please try to understand.
Looking forward for your reply,
Dear D: Being 17 and a freshman in college is like riding a wild, mile high see-saw up and down over and over again. Loving your boyfriend seems to be a similar experience. Because you have had a stressful year it is not unusual that your emotions will be ever changing. And as you point out you also have great needs for support and caring from him. The Yin: College is a time of exploration, new adventures, and collecting data about you and the men you date. If you allow yourself the freedom to meet people, you will learn what is important to you, who fits best with your personality and needs, and most importantly, you will know (for the best reasons) the man you are able to love and want to love in a long term relationship. Timing is everything in life. A large percentage of teen marriages end in divorce because young people have not had the opportunity to mature. They grow up finally feeling, after a few years married, that their early choice was a mistake – wrong time, wrong person. The Yang: Accept the support from your friend without attaching the love word to it. It is possible to care for someone, enjoy doing things together, and to feel romantic attraction without pushing the relationship to its limits. Sometimes we can relax and enjoy a developing friendship and it can be more beneficial than a whirlwind romance. Long term friendships give us support and stability. And it doesn’t require constant energy and attention because both people accept each other, like each other, just the way they are. Enjoy what you have and experience the best years of college with no regrets. See the movie “When Harry Met Sally”. Best Regards,
Dr. Beverlee, author of The Day the Music Stopped, re-enchantment of our lost spirit
www.selfdiscoveryofspirit.com
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