Boyfriend: Poor Choices - Poor Self Esteem

From: Nl
To: askdrbeverlee@yahoo.com
Date: Aug 2004
Subject:I need your advise

Dear Dr. Beverlee Zell-Tamis,

This is the first time I am writing to you. I personally feel that there is something wrong with myself. I have been going on a few relationships before but all seem to lead me to troubles nothing but
troubles. I am not sure why, but many relationships end up in great mess or jigs. Sometimes the guy just ignores me. The worse part like recently when this man simply told me that he would like to get married to another woman but not myself. At the same time he asked me via-email if I would still wish to be his friend even after his marriage to that woman whom he has been dating recently behind my back. The funny part is when his friend whom introduces me to him said previously that his friend is still single and has not been dating anyone. So who is lying here?

I am not sure why but this time I truly feel bad and highly being traumatized to believe that all of my new and previous relationships will seem to be doomed. No matter how hard I try, somehow there will always be obstacles somewhere across the line. I am 32 years old now and I am not going to repeat the same mistakes as before. Yesterday, I just send him two emails. First I truly told him how unfair of him to treat me in such a manner. I simply can't belief his act and I do apologize to him if I did very much indeed hurt his feelings previously. In my second letter, I challenge him to choose between myself and that woman he has been dating lately. I told him to make a wise choice and it is all up to him now to decide since he is a man and not a boy. I know it sounds weird when a 32 years old female falls for a 26 years old male. Sexually he is more active. By nature of science man of that age will be sexually active and if possible will always want sex almost everyday.

But what about me? What's wrong with a 32 year old female? Does it mean because I am too old for him and he just rejects me? I told him that I can't tolerate with his kind of behavior by playing around with my heart. Unfortunately until today, he still refuses to answer my questions. He just keeps me guessing in the dark.

In your nature of work based on your previous experiences, what do you think and feel his kind of verdict? What kind of answer will he send in? What if he decided to choose me, for whatever reasons that might be, and what do you think of the consequences?

I hope you will reply back and thanks for your help.

Best regards
L

Dear L:

One of the most difficult and important things to do is to ask your self some serious questions. “What do you want in life?” “What immediate goals do you have?” “What can you do differently to achieve these goals?”

The choices you make in male relationships have a lot to do with the outcome. If the original choice is someone who lies and cheats, then that is the person who can only disappoint your desire for a real, happy, and long-term relationship.

The Yin: You can pursue this dishonest person and what you will win is a partnership with someone who prefers playing games and causing pain above all else.

The Yang: What appears to be “wrong with you” is a lack of self worth. Sometimes we need a counselor guide to make changes in our unsatisfactory life. Seek a competent person who will help you understand the poor choices in male relationships. When you increase self esteem, you will not give a guy like this one the time of day. Move on!

Feel free to write again.
Best Regards,
Dr. Beverlee, author of The Day the Music Stopped, re-enchantment of our lost spirit
www.selfdiscoveryofspirit.com